'Baby-trapping'

For those who may have watched Loose Women this morning, you may have caught Gemma Collins’ (TOWIE) interview where she talked about her relationship with Arg. During this interview she talked about how she was desperate for a baby and therefore tried to ‘trap’ Arg by getting pregnant. My immediate reaction was utter horror and the information really made me look at her differently.

I decided to look into the issue further and was shocked by what I found. You would usually think that talk of ‘trapping’ a man with a baby is just a bit of banter men would have in the changing rooms at the gym or wherever. But it is actually a huge problem.

Now I’m not saying men are innocent and they make their own mistakes. But this attitude, that a minority of women want what they want, when they want it, how they want it and won’t take no for an answer, is frankly disgusting. This is extremely dangerous, self-destructive and a serious breach of trust.

A lot of woman have admitted to trapping their husbands into having another baby but I’ve found some disturbing stories from men that have left me speechless.

14 years ago, 46-year-old Jonathan from Warwickshire, was told by his then-girlfriend of just a few weeks that she was pregnant. She also admitted to having impregnated herself using a condom that they discarded after sex. She only informed him of the pregnancy after her move to Australia for a few months which, Jonathan said was or should have been a natural end to the relationship.

Jonathan was obviously upset but upon her return to the UK, he wanted to find out why she had done such a thing, so decided to meet up with her. He states that she didn’t clearly explain why and he kept saying: “You just can’t do this to somebody”, but she didn’t understand why he was so upset.

He did attend the hospital after the baby was born, wondering if he would feel affection. Instead he felt nothing. He explained: “It may sound cold, but then so was the way she was conceived. I just felt like a sperm donor. I told Carol I didn’t want anything to do with her or the baby”.

Six months later, Jonathan received a letter from the Child Support Agency asking for him to make a contribution to his daughter’s upbringing. This to me is extremely unfair. I can’t be angry at this man for not wanting to be a part of his biological child’s life. He did not choose to be a father, so surely it is unfair to make him pay? In the eyes of the court it is simple, he is the biological father therefore he has a responsibility.

This one situation is absolutely appalling. True sperm donors do not pay for their biological children and I believe that, in cases like this one, it should be a criminal matter and Jonathan shouldn’t have to pay. The lasting effects of something like this can be devastating.

That woman had no thought or consideration to anyone else’s life or feelings but her own. There was no consideration for her future child, who would grow up without her biological father. Certainly no consideration for Jonathan or any future children he might have in a lasting relationship where he will then have to make the decision on whether to tell them they have a half-sister.

I find scenarios like this an insult to women all over the world who struggle to have natural children of their own. It may be a minority but it is a shocking situation no one should find themselves in.

Now, as said in the segment of Loose Women, contraception may be the responsibility of both parties but how is a man to know if a woman is telling the truth about being on a certain kind of contraception. We don’t know if the women involved decline using a condom for this very reason but in the case above, this woman intentionally ‘stole’ sperm from a used condom so contraception won’t always be the answer.

These horrible scenarios can change men’s perspective of women and I honestly think it should be considered a crime.